Meaning of Best Friend

If someone ask me about my best friend, I dunno how answer this question, because I don't have any best friend.
Why?
Because I think, I don't wanna to really close with they. It really risk to me, if someday me or my best friend is hurting each other heart, they'll never can forget the accident/problem, maybe they can give you sorry, but still, it'll remain in their deep heart.
I've many friends and some of them really close to me,but I don't wanna call they my best friends.
Maybe you'll laughing if read this post, not even you, I'm laughing my post too.

"If I fall back down
Youre gonna help me back up again.
If I fall back down
Youre gonna be my friend"

Lyrics from Rancid - Fall Back Down up there maybe work sometimes with me.







Another reason why I don't wanna have a best friend is because my past a long time ago, I'm falling in love with my best friends(yes, I've best friends in the past, but now, I'don't have).
She is angry with me, since then, I never talk with her again(about 5 years).
It's not only happen one time, I'm falling in love with my another best friend, fortunately she still wanna talk to me although not often like before I say I love her..



Aaaah...
Best friend...
It's all my fault, but I'm not regret this..